Hanif grew up in the rebel movement Mujahedin-e Khalq.
He was only six years old when he was trained in the use of weapons, and as a nine-year-old he was sent by his mother alone on the run. – For my mother, the fight was more important than the love for me.

Iraq, 1988: Hanif is six years old and the weapon in his hand is heavy. With all his might, he manages to lift the Kalashnikov over his head in a victory movement. His teacher laughs and the children around him cheer. It is a regular school day at the Camp Ashraf military base in the Iraqi desert. – The fight against Ayatollah Khomeini permeated our lives and marked my entire childhood. That was what life was all about, and the battle came before anything else. Another memory: He draws a drawing for his mother Zohreh, which depicts an automatic weapon surrounded by red stars. He gets the highest grade and the art teacher says his mother will be proud.
Dad died in battle

After the Iranian revolution in 1979, the religious leader Ayatollah Khomeini took power. He created an Islamic state and changed Iran from base. Hanif’s parents agreed to fight in the resistance movement People’s Mujahedin and settled in neighboring Iraq. Hanif’s father lost his life in the battle. A common question among children at the military base was: “Are your parents alive?” We were many who answered no to that question. We shared the suffering together, and somehow it made the loss less painful. It is said that if one “have not lost a parent, you are not a real Mujahedin child. It sounds absurd, but that’s the way it is,” Hanif said.
He remembers the great desert and the great gray tanks that were donated by Saddam Hussein. He remembers the cohesion, and despite being aware of the struggles, he was rarely scared as a child. But as the conflict escalated, risks increased, and Hanif’s mother, like many others in the rebel movement, decided to send her children away.

– She could have followed, but for her the fight was more important than us. Hanif was given responsibility for his little brother He was nine years old and carried a bag in black imitation leather. The bus was covered in mud to camouflage it, thus reducing the risk of bombings. – The memory of my mother’s words has etched itself, she looked serious and said that I was grown up enough to take care of my little brother so as I had the responsibility for my little brother. When I waved to her, I did not know that it would not see each other gain. I remember holding my little brother’s hard in my hand tightly. The two brothers ended up in Sweden and eventually in Norrköping. Hanif did everything to fit in to take care of himself. But his father’s death and flight to Sweden had affected him deeply.

– I had a hard time focusing and for the first time began to question the way we had lived. The grief made me become something of a mess and I made quite a fuss. I was seen as a problem wherever I went, and with each adversity the hole and emptiness within me grew larger. I was a strange bird that did not fit in anywhere. He felt outside and alone, and in his teens, the feelings got worse. – I had long tried to distance myself from the movement and did not want to be reminded of my past. I tried instead to become as Swedish as possible. But it did not work, I remained stranger. He missed his mother, his roots, a connection.

The missing pulled him back to Iraq When the Mujahedin of the People reached out, I took it. I was recruited to become a warrior and join the fight. On a subtle level, room for maneuver was limited and there was a form of radicalization and brainwashing that I was exposed to. I was not lured into the movement, but slowly my thoughts were reworked to fit their purpose. There was also a warmth that was so existentially comfortable that I continued to be a part of the movement.

Human Rights Watch claimed in a report in 2005 that the movement was a sect, and it was until 2009 that the movement was removed from the EU’s list of terrorist organizations. But Hanif was attracted by the community and by resuming contact with his mother. – I was like a ticking bomb, full of emotions that could explode at any moment. Everything was clear. He had to travel to fight for the Mujahedin. But one detail, a broken passport, put an end to his plans. – In hindsight, I have realized that the incident gave me a relief and I got a chance to stop and think. I understood that I was looking for an identity and not for a place in the struggle. How did you realize that? – I have thought about it a lot and often get questions about it. But there is no easy answer, rather several factors. Part of it, I think, was that I had a strong desire to become Swedish and saw myself as a Swedish.

Hanif’s life can make a difference for young people in the same situation
Hanif’s life took a new turn and he trained as a policeman. Today he works in Rinkeby and often meets people who are outside society, but also in different phases of radicalization. – There is no point in preaching about the right path, I have realized this through my story, but you can reach the young people in a different way. They can feel that I am not just talking, but that I understand. He no longer has any contact with his mother, and the bitterness of his mother leaving her children was for a long time the dominant feeling in him. – It’s a trauma that has left its mark on me. A part of me will always be an abandoned child. Now I have turned my back on my past to be able to move on and it is a sadness but somehow it has also given me an inner peace. I have found my place and it is here in Sweden.

udeoghjemme.dk , Translated by Nejat Society

Hanif Azizi was close to become a terrorist, but a broken passport and a dream of ice cream saved him.
I used to stand in front of the mirror and pretend to be in Sweden buying ice cream, says Hanif Azizi. Today he is a police officer and lectures on extremism.
Hanif Azizi grew up in a military base between Iran and Iraq. He dreamed of Sweden as a child. He had heard that there was a car driving around the streets selling ice cream – and that the parents could give pocket money to the children to buy ice cream. One day he was suddenly sent to Sweden.

– Mother said “You are nine years old, you are old enough to take care of your little brother now”. “Yes mom,” I replied.

The plan was that later in life he would return and fight for the terrorist group Mujahedin-e Khalq.

Trauma, fear, lack of trust, grief and hatred are something a child gets who is sent away in that way, Hanif says.

They told me that my father was a hero

– When I came to Sweden, I had to live with a Persian family who were also traumatized. Some days we did not get food and my clothes were not washed. At school I was teased, “Hanif go from here, you stink”.

Hanif Azizi

The staff at Hanif’s school asked many questions and they made concerns. Thanks to that, he got to come to a new family. The actions of the leisure staff came to change Hanif’s entire life.

Although Hanif was doing well with his foster parents, it was something that weighed heavily on him, even though he could not put his finger on what it was. One day Hanif got a phone call from his biological mother that lasted for about an hour, she told him, among other things, that he had to visit Mujahedin’s office in Stockholm.

– They told me that my father was a hero, and that they fought with him. From not being anything, I became something.

Hanif was confused and did not feel that he belonged anywhere. He was desperately looking for an identity and had big questions about life. What was the point of that? He had low self-esteem, felt excluded and did not know exactly what he wanted to do with his life. But he wanted to make a difference, he wanted to find belonging and he wanted to be a hero.

When Hanif was 19, he went to Iraq to visit his mother and was manipulated by the Mujahedin.

– They took advantage of the fact that I had been discriminated against in Sweden to get me to join them. “Why should you be in Sweden, they do not give you a job. For them, you are just a black skull.”

Hanif decided to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a soldier. But he first wanted to go back to Sweden and say goodbye to his family.

Back home in Sweden, he felt that the heavy backpack he was carrying became lighter, perhaps because he had met his mother.

– When I told my foster parents, my mother said “This is not you, these are not your words. You have been brainwashed”.

After visiting the family, Hanif discovered that his passport was broken, so it took some time before he could return to Iraq.

– It was summer and nice weather, I hiked, ate ice cream and hung out with those who loved me. I realized that I was living my dream life, I had dreamed of coming to Sweden. I decided to make a comeback in Swedish society and today I am a police officer, says Hanif Azizi.

Linda Eliasson,folkbladet.nu